Chelsea legend John Terry has spoken openly about how badly missing a penalty in the 2008 Champions League final affected his mental health.
Terry slipped while taking what could have been the winning penalty against Manchester United in the final in Moscow, hitting the post as Chelsea went on to lose the shootout. He says the moments after the defeat were among the darkest of his life.
Now 45, Terry revealed that while alone in the team hotel after the match, he experienced suicidal thoughts. He said he felt completely overwhelmed by what had happened and wished he had spoken to someone sooner.
Terry recalled standing by the window of his hotel room, questioning why it had happened and feeling consumed by guilt and disbelief. He said that while he did not act on those thoughts, they crossed his mind in a moment of deep emotional pain.
Teammates later came to check on him and took him away from the room, something Terry now believes was crucial. He said their support helped him through a very dangerous moment.
The impact of the miss stayed with him for a long time. Terry said it was especially hard joining the England squad just days later and facing Manchester United players after the final. Scoring for England soon afterwards brought mixed emotions, as he could not stop thinking about the missed penalty.
Although time has helped, Terry admitted the memory has never fully gone away. During his playing career, he said the focus of regular matches helped him push it aside, but since retiring, those feelings have returned more often. He still wakes up at night thinking about the moment.
Terry finally experienced Champions League success in 2012, when Chelsea won the trophy on penalties against Bayern Munich. Although he was suspended for the final, he said lifting the trophy with the squad helped bring some closure to a painful chapter in his career.
