Former England captain Lewis Moody has revealed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that killed fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and not wanting to really process that at the minute," he said.
"It's not that I don't understand where it's going. We understand that. But there is absolutely a reluctance to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his immediate wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the disease worsens.
"Maybe that's shock or maybe I process things differently, and once I have the information, it's easier," he added.
Moody discovered he had MND after noticing some weakness in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the problem, a series of scans showed nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly quite emotional about it, but it's so strange because I feel like nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't feel ill. I don't feel unwell
"My symptoms are very minor. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I'm still capable of doing anything and everything. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is possible."
MND can progress quickly.
According to the charity MND Association, the disease kills a third of people within a year and more than half within two years of diagnosis, as swallowing and breathing become more difficult.
Treatment can only slow deterioration.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Speaking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the devastating news, saying: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and started licking the tears off our faces, which was rather sweet."
Moody said the emphasis was staying in the moment.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be so militantly focused on just embracing and enjoying everything now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been really lucky that the only real decision I made when I retired from playing was to spend as much time with the kids as possible. We don't get those years back."
