A genius thread of Roy Keane photos shows the danger football supporters will risk just to get a selfie with the Manchester United legend.
Keane does not not suffer fools gladly, so you need real courage if you approach the Irishman - phone in hand - and ask him to pose for a photo. At least these fans all lived to tell the tale. Presumably. Let's analyse their success.
Arm around the shoulder: a massive no-no. This beaded lanyard-wearer has planted a clammy paw on Keane causing him to whip his head around and unleash The Stare of Doom. RIP this guy's smile; never seen again.
Looks like a departure lounge. Keane's face says: 'Are we really doing this? Here? In the airport? You have got to be joking.' His face says: 'Please hurry up and take the photo, mum.'
Looks like a departure lounge. Keane's face says: 'Are we really doing this? Here? In the airport? You have got to be joking.' His face says: 'Please hurry up and take the photo, mum.'
Best technique yet. Applause to this young lad who wisely got a set of iron bars between himself and Keane, minimizing his chances of total destruction. Either that or this is a still from the new 'Silence of the Lambs' reboot we didn't know we needed.
Just no. Clearly the happier you are, the angrier Roy becomes. This gleeful chump should've known better than to approach Keano when he's at this dangerous level of beard. Keane's eyes tell the story of a man who never saw an iPhone that he didn't want to crush underfoot.
Keeping your distance: sensible. Stoic pursing of the lip shows you're all business. But this risk-free approach means there are more empty seats in your selfie than there is your own actual face. Sorry, you need to be braver in this game.
What were you even thinking? He's angry. He's tired. He's bearded. Man United probably just lost 2-0 to Burnley and someone didn't track Ashley Barnes. Your green tea-cosy hat is the last thing Roy wants to see - and this bloke's face shows he knows it. Doomed.
Better! The sheer pan-faced audacity of not even asking Keane and just papping away while he's walking behind you. Keane admires your bravery and you are rewarded with his shut-eye grin. Success.
Interesting. Could be anyone? But it's definitely Keane. You had 1.5 seconds to take your photo before Roy turned around and marched to the exit but you blew it. Never mind. At least you got 50% of what could be Sean Dyche on the left.
The hands-down winner! The only proven strategy: get Keane when he was young, not quite so terrifying, and would apparently accept a smacker on the cheek from an enamoured Nottingham Forest supporter. These were the days before Keane had had his mind warped by a mixture of Fergie's conspiracy theories and the reek of Old Trafford's prawn sandwiches.
We cannot stress enough how important it is that you do not try this technique in 2020.
SPORTbible's sources do actually report that, off camera, Keane can be charming. As polite and friendly to TV staff as he is ruthless to his on-screen colleagues. But if you approach him with a smartphone and the words, "Quick one for my stories, Royston, shall we floss together?" we honestly cannot be held responsible for your safety.
Comments
Post a Comment